HEAVYWEIGHT BATTLE

“It has to be hard so you’ll never ever forget.” - Bob Harper

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Do you like the person looking back at you?

Or do you avoid even looking in the mirror because you have to look at yourself?

I remember staring in the mirror as an eleven year-old boy and thinking… “I fucking hate myself.”

I was fat, sensitive, slow, unconfident, and anxious. I was told by everyone (as a way to make me feel better) that my genetics were what they were and I was just a “big-boned” kid.

Going to the pool was the worst. Having to take my shirt off in front of my friends was humiliating. Instead, I swam with my shirt on and used the excuse that I didn’t want to get sunburned when, in reality, I was ashamed.

Growing up in a family of heavier people taking care of your health was never taught to my parents, or to me in turn. It was just assumed that being fat would continue on down the line, impacting us all like fucking dominos.

The only saving grace in my childhood fat journey was sport. Fortunately for me, I loved competing enough that I was able to thin out as I grew taller through high school and college. It helped keep me in shape and maintain a figure other than just round.

As college came to an end, so did my days of exercise and playing sports. I started putting on weight and eating like shit but the worst part was…I didn’t care.

Being unhappy within a relationship, stressed out with starting my teaching career, working long hours, and drinking alcohol whenever the fuck I wanted were all taking their toll on me and my body. I was quickly approaching 300 lbs and I literally saw this as the future for the rest of my sorry-ass life!

About five years ago, I made a decision that this was NOT the person that I wanted to be. So I reconnected with the gym. Walking back in there as a chubby turd was not exactly what I thought it would be.

I was too ashamed to take off my sweatshirt because I didn’t want anyone to see my bitch tits. I was too nervous to talk to anyone as I felt like they would judge me.

I was fucking weak and scared.

It was really difficult.

The only thing that kept me going was that the fear of being seen as scared and weak was not as great as my fear of living my life as an overweight, unhealthy person.

The point that I am trying to make is that it would have been easy for me to give in and just be that person for the rest of my life. But I decided that “easy” wasn’t an option because there were people that fucking looked up to me. People that needed a role model. People that needed someone to show them that they too, could fight through their struggles.

To be honest, I thought about what kind of future I saw myself living.

What kind of woman would I end up with if I allowed myself to live like this?

What kind of example would I be setting for my future children?

Would I even have the energy and confidence to pursue my dreams?

The answer is NO.

My future began to change for the better when I got my health in order. My confidence miraculously grew. I began to actually believe in myself and my anxiety became less of a problem. My whole fucking life changed.

And I’m not even close to finished.

One thing I can tell you is that this journey isn’t some short term project where “I’ll work out until I get in shape and then I can just maintain.” Fuck that. It doesn’t work that way, I promise you. When you make the decision to take control of your health, you are dedicating the rest of your life to it. And as difficult as that is to accept, I can tell you that it’s worth it.

Your future you, and all of those who look up to you, will thank you.