COMMITMENT NOT SACRIFICE

“Without commitment you cannot have depth in anything whether it’s a relationship, business or hobby.” - Neil Strauss

Do you know the difference between a sacrifice and a commitment?

It’s ok if you don’t. To be honest, I’m not quite sure I was able to differentiate the two until recently.

To sacrifice is to give something up. You can sacrifice your weekends. You can sacrifice your time. You can sacrifice your career. You can sacrifice your morals and your values. You can sacrifice your family. And worst of all, you can sacrifice yourself.

I think many people believe that making sacrifices is somehow courageous and heroic. It is difficult to blame most people for having this belief as we have been conditioned to think this way. When we speak about making sacrifices, it makes us sound strong and long-suffering and invites others to give us sympathy. It provides us with a few minutes of motivation while making us believe that we are doing what is best for everyone around us. But how in the fuck can you be your best for other people when you are always sacrificing yourself? You can’t. Being your best requires commitment; the antithesis to sacrifice.

Commitment, like sacrifice, is another term that I believe is misunderstood. I think most people believe that commitment means that you are “locked in forever”. That when you commit to something or someone, you are going to have to make so many “sacrifices”. I used to believe that myself and I am here to tell you that this way of thinking is complete bullshit.

Those who fear commitment are those who sacrifice themselves constantly. As someone who has always struggled with fully committing to something or someone, I know this first hand.

Anytime I start a new job, I am fully committed in my head. This lasts about a week and then reality sets in. Things get difficult. Expectations begin to grow. People need things from me. As the different aspects of the job set in, I become less committed and more sacrificial. What I mean by that is I begin to feel the need to please everyone. I feel the need to always make the right decisions. I feel the need to sacrifice my needs for the betterment of everyone else. How fucked up is that? No wonder I’m always stressed.

Now, what if I chose to fully commit to the role? What if I decide to stop sacrificing my needs and instead commit to achieving excellence (or doing the very best that I can?) Then what do things look like? I’m giving my team, my company and my business my all. Now I’m not making sacrifices because I don’t have to!

Next, let’s use the example that no one wants to talk about. Relationships… I can’t tell you how many people have told me (in their own words) how relationships and parenting are all about sacrifice. You have to “give up” so many things once you get married and have kids. That is fucking bullshit. My relationship isn’t about sacrifice. I didn’t have to sacrifice anything by choosing to marry my wife. I didn’t have to give up anything by choosing to start a family with her. Both of these beautiful experiences are examples of commitment. I love this person and the baby inside of her more than anything in this entire universe and yes, much more of my time will be dedicated to making sure that they have what they need. But that isn’t a sacrifice in my mind. What exactly am I sacrificing anyway? Less time at work? Less time scrolling on Instagram or lying around like a lazy fuck after work and on the weekends? If that’s what I’m giving up then I’m honestly better off for it.

Commitment is something I believe that each of us fears in some capacity. In our minds, it means that we are having to give up ourselves or our wants and needs. That scares the shit out of us because we probably have all been hurt by committing to something at some point in our lives. Whether it be a relationship that didn’t work out, a job that went shitty, a choice to work on personal development that didn’t go as expected; we’ve all fucking been there. But why should that stop us from giving ourselves to something or someone? Why should that make us feel like we are having to give up something in order to achieve happiness? What if you allowed yourself to see commitment as an opportunity as opposed to a burden? How would your life change?

So stop sacrificing. And start committing.